Our little Zac has been home with us for almost as long as he was in his birth home and in an orphanage in Russia. There has been so much bonding and most days with him are full of typical brother and sister drama, hugs and kisses, bedtime stories, playdates etc... But, there are times that parenting Zac has been a challenge. Some might say it is just his personality, his age or because he is a boy, and although I believe all those things are a part of why he is who he is, there is a part of him that reacts to situations and people as a result of his lack of attachment to a loving family during his first two and a half years of life.
If you are an adoptive parent you may know what I mean. Over the last two and half years the Holy Spirit has opened my eyes to Zac's unique needs, the needs of a hurt child. I don't mean to seem overly dramatic because certainly all parents have unique children with different temperments, emotional needs and personalities, but for those of you out there considering adopting a child over a year of age I think it is important to understand the differences in parenting a hurt child as opposed to a child that has been in your care since birth. I have found so much valuable information in the book, Parenting the hurt Child by Keck and Kupecky . It talks about the importance of nurturing a child and attaching instead of detaching during times of discipline. I have found it so helpful. Some of the strategies they talk about we have incorporated into our daily life and it is making a big difference one day at a time.
It is easy to have compassion for hurting, orphaned children from afar. But, the Lord called Ryan and I to parent an orphan. He called us to struggle and celebrate life day in and day out with our wonderful son, Zac. As a result, I have been stripped of my parenting pride and have found the Lord strong in my weaknesses. I am thankful for...
463. Challenges that make me wiser
464. My children's unique designs by their Creator, all my kids...Hallie, Jacob and Zachary
465. Our assignment to parent a once orphan, now son
466. Resources that help and are so accessible
467. A husband that partners with me in parenting and leads this family with integrity and love
468. Friends that don't judge or criticize...Darcie and Lisa this week...there are so many!
469. Hugs and encouragement from my parents as they watch me parent
470. Tonight...when I asked Zac what was good about his day he said, "Being here with you. I love you mommy!" And, then I got a hug and a kiss.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Parenting the Hurt Child
Posted by Ryan and Katie at 9:36 PM
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4 comments:
Thank you for sharing this Katie. My brother is going through a similar experience...his son was abandoned by his mother twice before he was two years old. He too, is a hurt child and has a lot of emotional and behavioral challenges. I will have to tell my brother about the book you mentioned.
You are such an amazing mother Katie. You are so intentional about how you parent each one of your children. Your kids are amazingly blessed to have you and I am so blessed to call you friend. Praying for you...:)
Great post Katie. You are always so positive and honest. It's refreshing. Keep up the good work. I know 3 very lucky kids!!
Appreciate this, Katie. I can see Jesus in your words and heart expressed here.
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